This Christmas

This is an excellent short film from the good folks over at Lifechurch.tv It is 19 minutes long, but very much worth the watch. Grab a snack and remember why we celebrate this special day.

Lawning the Mow

You know how some stuff just sticks with you? Well, I remember driving in the car with my family one time. We were just cruising through a neighborhood. I must have been around ten or so. We were just going somewhere and we saw a man out cutting his grass. My brother got all excited and said "Look at that guy lawning his mow!" We all got a good laugh. Of course my brother had on his "Why Be Normal" hat at the time, so it all kind of fit.

I was thinking about this as I was out last weekend doing some lawn care at our temporary summer house. (Yes, I am writing this over a week later, but that is a different blog post.) I really hate lawn care. I mean I loathe it. I just genuinely despise all aspects of it. It's not that I'm opposed to a little hard work, or even being outside. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe because it was some of the first work ever done in the history of the Earth back in the Garden of Eden. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

My earliest memories of lawning the mow are of my dad trying to show me how to do it. His neighbor needed his grass cut and I guess my dad wanted me to earn some extra dough. So next thing I know I am watching my dad show me how to pull start a rusty old Briggs & Stratton©.

He started mowing while I walked behind him and watched. He would stop every few minutes and holler something at me about what direction to turn, or how the throttle or something worked. You know how sometimes you just have to nod your head at people like you know what in the world they are talking about and just hope they don't ask you any questions about it? That was one of those times. I'm sure he had to explain everything to me all over again when it was finally my turn. Seventeen hours later I had the lawn finished. I don't even remember how much I made from that lawn, but I'm sure I frittered away on Nintendo© magazines and Mountain Dew©.

I had high school summer adventures mowing lawns with my good buddy, Kevin. I also mowed the university grass in college as part of the maintenance crew, including a place called the coliseum. Those were character building times in my life. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

I guess I have a weirdness about becoming a lawn guy. You know the type- the mow mid-week to keep the grass looking good guys. I'm referring to guys that talk about cutting their grass in in terms quarter inches. The guys who mow, then weed eat, then edge the sidewalks, then get the blower. These are the kind of guys that actually talk to other guys (usually other lawn guys) about their lawn.

If I had it my way, I'd be the opposite of a lawn guy. I want to be a dirt guy. I want a whole yard full of dirt. I want to get up every Saturday and go rake my dirt. One tool. One job. Neighbors would say "Hey Stortz, how's your dirt lookin'?" I'd say "Great. I think it's doing real well this season." I'd say that because it's dirt. How could it not be doing well? Nice and simple. I've got better things to do than worry about how my lawn is doing.

I've said in a previous post that my lawn was more "Malcolm in the Middle" than "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." I'm pretty okay with that. And if my new HOA doesn't like it, I'll have a big pile of dirt they can help me rake.

The Cussing Pastor

I ran across this video over at Ed Young's Blog. Wow. Can you say convicted? I think my #@#$ and %$%& come out more in anger than in an attempt to be hip and relevant, though. This is definitely something to think about and pray about.



Posted via email from /A Divided Muse/

Big T and Me: Day 4

Big T was a little fussy this morning, but we both took an hour and a half nap on the couch. I spent the rest of the morning watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent reruns while pacing the bedroom with him on my shoulder. I'm really glad I have no expectations for these weeks. I am taking care of Titus, that's all. I just have to keep telling my self this.

He had a nice afternoon nap, and then I dropped him off with Nell after school. Pa had the boys today, so I was able to grab an hour nap in the parking lot before I got Selah. It got a little hot in car and it was definitely not the best nap I've had, but I've been feeling so tired lately.

I had the three big kids for supper- fish sticks and macaroni. Don't worry, as I had several granola bars to supplement.

Titus did not want to go to sleep. I did the usual walking pattern with him on my shoulder until almost midnight when I finally put him down on his Boppy©, next to his mommy.

Whew.

Big T and Me: Day 3

This was the first day to have all four kids in the morning. I got everyone packed up and we headed out into the rain to load up in the car. I forgot I did not have the car seats arranged for everyone. Okay, no problem. I told them to wait on the porch while I played a bad game of Tetris with the bags, gear, and seats. Five minutes later, a very grumpy and wet dad loaded everyone into the car.

Of course Eli was sad. He is in a perennial state of unhappiness right now. He is Eeyore stopping to complain to Oscar the Grouch at the corner of Dissatisfied and Unpleasant. Selah was not too happy with daddy dropping her off either. Oh well, at least Titus cried the whole way to Zeke's school. Turns out I missed some gourmet coffee in the lounge for Teacher Appreciation Week. Happy birthday to me.

My sister, Jamie, came over and spent most of the day with me and Big T. It was nice. We talked about school and made fun of the air conditioner guy and his over indulgence of cheap cologne. Good times.

She also helped me get a couple of birthday gifts for a student of mine. Titus seemed to enjoy Guitar Center despite the noticeable absence of pimply faced teens rehashing old Metallica riffs with way to much mid range scooped out. I really need to spend more time with my sister.

I missed out on a free Sonic drink for an afternoon treat at school. Oh well. I had Wendy's for lunch so I won't complain too much and Titus had a small afternoon nap. That was almost better than the three granola bars I had again today.

Big T and Me: Day 2

Today started with some spewing from the little guy. It was not the kind that leaves a little wet spot on your shoulder, this was the nasty kind that gets on the floor and all down your back. Definitely a shirt changer.

He was pretty fussy for most of the morning. I'm not sure why. He seems to cry if I am not holding him up on my shoulder, pounding his back, and actively walking around. No real nap. I had a toasted cheese sandwich with a glass of water for lunch. I brought him up to Nell's school for his feeding. She told me she ate Market Street ribs with sides and dessert because of Teacher Appreciation Week. Hmmm. Maybe this wasn't the best week to take off.

The afternoon was filled mostly with crying. I'm not sure what I am doing to the poor kid. I'm beginning to think he doesn't like me much. I dropped him off with Nell for the rest of the afternoon when I went to go pick up Zeke. I got a call about 10 minutes later saying I forgot to buckle him into his carrier. Oops.

I also missed out on a free catered Mexican food lunch and some chicken strips at Chick Fil A. 3 granola bars later, and this is not my best day.

Big T and Me: Day 1

I am starting my two weeks at home with Titus. Big T and me. I wanted to write about our adventures at home together. We'll see how it goes. I am trying to have zero expectations as we get the week started. This is not a time for me to catch up on school work, have personal hobby time, or map out the next few months of my life. The only thing I am expecting to do is to enjoy my time taking care of my boy.

I got to have breakfast with Selah this morning. It was kind of nice to just be me and her. Well, the boys were five feet away screaming at each other in the living room, but it was just Selah and I at the table. Titus gave me a smile as I was getting him dressed. It was the big smile where you can see the little dimple on right cheek. That was some nice fuel to keep the morning moving. Zeke was a huge help taking care of his little bro' for ten minutes while I finished getting ready.

We had a bad trip to Wal-Mart. I guess that is redundant to say that you had a bad trip to Wal-Mart. Titus was not happy to be there. I can't blame him. Of course they were out of stock for a handful of items I needed. The cashier was unexpectedly helpful in loading up my cart for me while I held the crying boy. +1 for WM.

Nell came home for lunch, so that saved me a trip to bring him to her at school. He was pretty fussy for most of the afternoon. I did get a few things done on the computer while he napped. It is weird picking up Zeke from school. I guess this is what a parent feels like.

I ate four of those little Quaker granola bars today. They are just so tiny and good.

Really?- Peeps

It's hard for me to even imagine biting into one of these. Part of me can't even believe that they exist, and if it were not for my sister, I would never believe it either. Wow. Peeps? Really?

Peeps are made from marshmallow, sugar, gelatin, and carnauba wax. I don't know exactly what carnauba wax is, but if they sell it at AutoZone, I'm thinking I don't want it in my mouth. These 32 calorie chew toys are pumped out by the millions. 700 million Peeps are cranked out during Easter for the retail outlets of America. The plant in Bethlehem, Pa., can manufacture 2 million Peeps each day. I belive this to be the great army of the North prophesied by Daniel.

What's even crazier? They have a shelf life of 2 years. How is that even possible?

My fear is that those little beady black eyes are watching me and radioing in information back to their home planet. I believe our time may be short...



(Most info gleaned from an article in the Waco Tribune- Herald)

Musings- April Fool's Day

I'm sitting at my desk and having to take a step back and reflect for a bit.  The stress of the day has gotten me down.  I'm not sure if it's the kids or all the paper I deal with.  It's probably an insidious combination of both.

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day.  I used to like April Fool's Day.  But, there is only so many times you can hear kids say "Do you know what today is, Mr. Stortz?  It's Tuesday- April fools!"  Or "Guess what I had for breakfast Mr. Stortz?  Waffles- April fools!"  Or the ubiquitously popular "Your shoe is untied Mr. Stortz.  April fools!"  You see, six and seven year olds don't exactly "get" (air quotes mine) April Fool's Day.  Of course this never stops them from trying.
 
It should be more like "I'm going to play well with others today, Mr. Stortz.  April fools!"  Or "I'm going to complete all my tasks in a timely manner today Mr. Stortz.  April fools!"

I think I'm going to hide behind my locked classroom door tomorrow morning.  I'll put a sign up that reads: Class canceled on account of irony."  The sad thing is, I will be the only one to "get" it (air quotes still mine).

Musings- Financial Crisis

Politics have never been a strong interest of mine. I've always felt it should be though. I mean, it's important, right? The problem is, I have lots of great excuses-

It's too hard to follow.
I don't know where to get my information.
I don't understand most of it.
Who do I trust?
How does this affect me?

That's why I'm so thankful when simple things come along to make it easier for me to figure out what is going on. Check out this video below. It is about how America got into this financial crisis. It is simple with LOTS of visuals- my kind of video. Give it a view, it's only 11 minutes long. (Don't worry, I'm still going to have to watch 4 or 5 times to take it all in.)


The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

#C309

I was so blessed to be able to attend the annual Creative Church Conference (C3) at Fellowship Church again this year. Thanks mom!

It was jam packed with so much great teaching, I almost don't know what to do with it all. It's like getting a crate of ammunition but not having a gun. It's going to take a while to digest it all. Anyway, I thought I would share some of the memorable things from all the incredible speakers.

Ed Young
-The majority is usually wrong.
-The one thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.
-Decisions made at the start of something will have effects until the end of it.
-There is always a story behind the story.
-Leadership is measured more by your absence than your presence.
-Creativity mostly comes from humor and conflict.

Bill Cornelius
-All you need is a remnant, not a majority.
-Man made systems can eat the people that made them.
-We have to show up before the Father before people will show up before us.
-Someone out there has been dealt a worse hand than you and they are winning with it.

Tommy Barnett
-Find a need and fill it, find a hurt and heal it.
-Allow people to feel like they belong and them teach them to believe.

Ben Young
-Science studies what is repeatable, history studies what is unrepeatable.
-Truth is knowable and truth is livable.
-Truth is a person (Jesus) before it is an idea.

Steven Furtick
-There is a difference between honor and respect. Respect is earned and has more to do with the behavior of the recipient. Honor is freely given from your heart and has more to do with the giver.

Christine Caine
-Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but not everyone is entitled to give it.
-Excellence, creativity, and innovation are not the goals, they are just by-products of being a Christian.

Craig Groeschel
-God can still do "it" right even when we do it wrong.
-Do only a few things well and eliminate things that you are not called to do.
-To reach people that no one else reaches you have to do things no one else does.
-What do you need to STOP doing?
-Opportunities hide behind obstacles.
-Your greatest deficiency could be the door to your greatest opportunity.
-What is God trying to show you through your greatest limitation?
-Failure is necessary and the first step to success.

In Front and Behind

Only 1 more month until I will be the proud father of four! I remember the day Nell and I went to the doctor's office to find out the sex of our third child. We had been thinking and talking about the gender for a while. We were both ready to find out.

But it felt different for me because I was praying for a girl. I actually prayed for a girl. I had not done that with either of my other children. I could find the page for you in my prayer journal when I started praying. I really remember wanting a girl and hoping so badly that the Lord would bless us with one. I wanted to experience sons and daughters as a parent. I was so excited when the nurse told us we would be having a little girl.

Since then, I have been amazed at some of the differences I have seen in my sons, Zeke and Eli, and my daughter, Selah. First, I have noticed natural tendencies towards certain things. I feel that Nell and I are pretty neutral in what we allow our kids to play with. Even so, the boys naturally gravitate to swords, guns, noise, and anything with batteries. Selah goes for the dolls, puzzles, and books. Selah goes for anything pink; the boys will take anything as long as it is not pink. I guess I kind of expected that.

An unexpected difference, though, is that I love them in very different ways. I always thought parents were supposed to love their children the same. I thought that, as a dad, I was supposed to be fair and equal. It turns out that that is not even close to the case. Each child is different and needs their own unique love and affection.



I feel like I love my boys from behind them. I want them to step out and try things on their own. I want them to experience adventure and the unknown. I am standing right behind them. I will help them up when they fall from failures and I will cheer them on when they march from victories. I want them to experience pain, frustration, and hurt while knowing that I am right there to help. I want them to know that whatever they are fighting for or going through, that their dad is for them. They need to know that their dad believes they have what it takes. All they need to do is turn around and I'll be there. I'll always be there. Right behind them.



The love I have for Selah is in front of her. I want her to know that I will always be there to hold her hand and lead the way. She never has to step out in fear because her daddy is right in front of her making sure it's okay. I want to protect her from everyone and anything that would try to hurt her, cause her pain, or dare make her feel unlovely. I'll take the pain and the hurt for her. I want to make sure she is nurtured and comforted. She needs to know that her daddy thinks she is beautiful and wonderful. All she has to do is look up and I'll be there. I'll always be there. Right in front of her.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to love in front and behind.

(Photos taken and edited by my lovely wife, Nell)

Isims

I studied language development in college as part of my training to become a teacher. It is really quite fascinating. There are all kinds of stages, and developmental windows. I got to learn all about schema and how children assimilate new words into their vocabulary.



What I did not learn was how funny this process can be. The trial and error of learning new words is definitely entertaining. Some pronunciations take weeks or even months to nail down.

Here is a list of the funnier "isims" that the kids have come up with over the years:

faf⋅fle (fof-uhl) n. batter cake with a pattern of deep indentations on each side, traditionally comes frozen in boxes of 24. [I want a faffle for breakfast]

mes⋅i⋅nine (mes-uh-nin) n. any substance or substances used in treating disease or illness; remedy, usually forced down the throat via a plastic syringe and 3 adults holding the child down. [I don’t want to take my mesinine]

re⋅mem⋅ber⋅rize (re-mem-buh-rahyz) v. to commit to memory; learn by heart, to repeat something out loud over and over until a parent says “Stop!” [You should rememberize your phone number]

yo⋅grit (yo-grit) n. a prepared food having the consistency of custard, made from milk curdled by the action of cultures, usually served in a tube with colorful cartoon characters and ridiculous flavors. [We need yogrit at the store]

pup (puhp) n. a small, open container made of plastic, glass, etc., usually having a handle and possible sippy spout, used as a receptacle from which to spill milk, juice, wa-wa, etc. [That’s my pup]

pants⋅na⋅ked (pants-ney-kid) adj. being without clothing or covering below the waist, resulting condition of an aborted diaper change. [Now Selah is pantsnaked]

vi⋅ma⋅nin (vi-muh-nin) n. Any of various organic compounds that are needed in small amounts for normal growth and activity of the body; usually dispensed in a bottle with colorful cartoon characters and ridiculous flavors. [Your vimanin is by your faffle]

in⋅ap⋅pro⋅cri⋅ate (in-uh-proh-cree-it) adj. not appropriate; not proper or suitable. [That TV show is inapprocriate]

hook (hŏŏk) n. a soft or flexible covering for the head and neck attached to a cloak, coat, or the like. Note: this will be universally pulled off until the child is approximately 2 years and 2 months of age. [It’s cold out, put on your hook]

re⋅ver⋅sa⋅ry (ri-vur-suh-ree) n. the yearly recurrence of the date of a past event esp. a wedding. [No, we are not having McDonald’s for mommy and daddy’s reversary]

res⋅trau⋅naut (res-truh-nawt) n. establishment where meals are served to customers; exclusively refers to McDonalds or Taco Bueno. [Let’s go to a restraunaut for supper]

glub (gluhb) pl. glubs n. a covering for the hand made with a separate sheath for each finger and for the thumb; Note: attempting to put on children will cause a paradox in the space-time continuum due to its antithetical nature and high improbability of success. [Hold still so I can put on your gulbs]

mee⋅no (mee-noh) n. 1. mildly acidic red or yellow pulpy fruit grown on a vine and eaten as a vegetable. 2. an opening in the wall of a building, the side of a vehicle, etc., for the admission of air or light, or both. [Don’t throw your meeno out the meeno]

gook (gŏŏk) v. to turn one's eyes toward something or in some direction in order to see, usually repeated out loud over and over again until a parent says “What!” [gook!, gook!, gook!, gook!, GOOK!]

prac⋅ti⋅cal a⋅dult (prak-ti-kuhl uh-duhlt) n. being such in practice or effect of a person who has attained the age of maturity in function not age; one who desires the freedoms of an adult without the responsibilities. [Zeke refers to himself as a practical adult]

Right In The Ukelele

As a dad, it is so much fun having boys. It's great to run around and wrestle with them. They love to see how hard they can punch me. And they always want to show me how fast they are. I love it.

One of the best things, however, are the laughs we get to have. There is a level of immaturity in guys that is always present at some level. Being the father of two boys (and soon to be three) I feel it is my privilege, nay, obligation, to provide them with plenty of fodder for fart gags and crotch jokes. It just comes with the territory. One of our favorite pastimes is coming up with clever euphemisms for these hilarious things.

I accidentally-on purpose taught the boys a new one the other day. It has become a pretty popular saying around our house lately. I did not realize quite how ingrained in our vocabulary it had become until I showed the boys this recent picture. Of course the first words out of their mouths were-

"Ow, right in the ukelele!"

You are looking at one proud dad.

Really?- Ice Caps

I saw this picture on the back of a car the other day.  Wow.  I mean far be it from me to poo-poo someone's passions and causes.  I know I should probably be more of an activist and advocate in many areas.  I know it takes guts to speak out about what you believe in.  But ice caps? Really?

With all the human trafficing, drug smuggling, prostitution, starvation, child pornography, and utter evil in the world, I just don't get being worried about the ice caps.  Besides, I'm pretty sure that Jesus will likely come back before those babies melt anyway.  Probably...