In Front and Behind

Only 1 more month until I will be the proud father of four! I remember the day Nell and I went to the doctor's office to find out the sex of our third child. We had been thinking and talking about the gender for a while. We were both ready to find out.

But it felt different for me because I was praying for a girl. I actually prayed for a girl. I had not done that with either of my other children. I could find the page for you in my prayer journal when I started praying. I really remember wanting a girl and hoping so badly that the Lord would bless us with one. I wanted to experience sons and daughters as a parent. I was so excited when the nurse told us we would be having a little girl.

Since then, I have been amazed at some of the differences I have seen in my sons, Zeke and Eli, and my daughter, Selah. First, I have noticed natural tendencies towards certain things. I feel that Nell and I are pretty neutral in what we allow our kids to play with. Even so, the boys naturally gravitate to swords, guns, noise, and anything with batteries. Selah goes for the dolls, puzzles, and books. Selah goes for anything pink; the boys will take anything as long as it is not pink. I guess I kind of expected that.

An unexpected difference, though, is that I love them in very different ways. I always thought parents were supposed to love their children the same. I thought that, as a dad, I was supposed to be fair and equal. It turns out that that is not even close to the case. Each child is different and needs their own unique love and affection.



I feel like I love my boys from behind them. I want them to step out and try things on their own. I want them to experience adventure and the unknown. I am standing right behind them. I will help them up when they fall from failures and I will cheer them on when they march from victories. I want them to experience pain, frustration, and hurt while knowing that I am right there to help. I want them to know that whatever they are fighting for or going through, that their dad is for them. They need to know that their dad believes they have what it takes. All they need to do is turn around and I'll be there. I'll always be there. Right behind them.



The love I have for Selah is in front of her. I want her to know that I will always be there to hold her hand and lead the way. She never has to step out in fear because her daddy is right in front of her making sure it's okay. I want to protect her from everyone and anything that would try to hurt her, cause her pain, or dare make her feel unlovely. I'll take the pain and the hurt for her. I want to make sure she is nurtured and comforted. She needs to know that her daddy thinks she is beautiful and wonderful. All she has to do is look up and I'll be there. I'll always be there. Right in front of her.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to love in front and behind.

(Photos taken and edited by my lovely wife, Nell)