A Game Gear Christmas (What the Heck's a Game Gear?)

1992 was the last Christmas that still had a touch of that special magic for me.  I was twelve, and although I didn't "believe," it was still a time of wonder.

We had the big Christmas at my dad's house that year.  I remember the night of Christmas Eve.  My brother and sister and I slept upstairs.  It was just one open room.  I had to duck because the ceiling was the slants of the roof.  My dad wasn't big on festive decor.  But, I remember he had colored lights on white string connected along the slopes of the ceiling like velvet ropes on a red carpet premier night.

This was the last Christmas Eve that I can remember actually having a hard time falling asleep.  I stared up at those lights for hours, my mind swirling with hope and anticipation.  The one thing consuming my twelve year old brain was a Nintendo Gameboy.  It was my heart's desire and all I wanted for Christmas.

The next morning, I got up and endured my dad's usual stalling techniques.  He was never ready to open gifts.  He had to make coffee, go to the bathroom five times, get something out of the bedroom and so on.  Finally, it was time to rip my gifts open.  I got to the one that I was sure of being a Gameboy.  As I tore in to the colorful wrapping, I noticed a cocky -looking, blue cartoon hedgehog looking up at me.  I had received a Sega Game Gear.

It was impossible to hide the disappointment on my face.  A part of me was crushed.  I looked up at my mom and I remember seeing the smile on her face melt away as she took in my reaction.  A conversation we had later would reveal how much she had wanted to get me something nice; something better than a Gameboy.  The Game Gear was in color, cost more, and my mom was convinced that it was better in every way.  It just wasn't what I had wanted.  In my childishness, I had insulted the giver.  In my immaturity, I had insulted my mom.

* * *

Game Gear Christmas stands out in my mind for many reasons.  But the most important were the lessons I began to learn about giving.  I learned that you can be thankful for something without liking it; you can appreciate the giver without loving what has been given.  There are no strings attached to true giving.  It is free and bourne out of love.  

It has taken many years with my wife to fully cement that in my mind.  Giving is really about people and not the gift.  It's about the relationship between the giver and the receiever.  Our model for this is the greatest gift that has ever been given- the gift of forgiveness through Jesus.  I don't have that Game Gear anymore.  I have something much better.  That's ultimately what I want to remember this holiday season.

Dental Drills and the Illusion of Control

We took the kids to the dentist yesterday.  I don't like trips to the dentist.  I didn't like them as a kid, I don't like them as an adult, and I really don't like them as a parent.  There is just something about metal tools and someone's fingers crawling around in my mouth that freaks me out. 

The dentist office is the kind that has "Kid" in the title.  It is supposed to be kid -friendly, but the beige walls, dim lights, and contemporary furniture might lead you to believe otherwise.  It had a very hushed atmostphere. All the toys were neatly arranged in baskets around bookshelves topped with Feng Shui zen style decor.  It kind of reminded me of the typical old -school elementary library where you are not allowed to talk above a low whisper.

Taking the kids to the dentist is a lot like open heart surgery for your parenting. They open up your kid's mouth and tell you everything that's wrong with it. Which translates into what's wrong with you as a parent.  Cavities, infection, abscess, plaque, and your kids need to brush better.  Translation: your parenting sucks. Good parents don't have kids with cavities, right? 

Well, I guess I'm not a good parent then.  The dental report was not exactly encouraging.  It's hard to not feel guilty and responsible.  I want my kids to be healthy and strong.  But parenting is hard, and sometimes things slip through the cracks. This of course starts me on a train of thought that touches on every little deficit in how my wife and I are raising our kids.  The whole line of thinking ends up in an ugly and depressing place.  Frustrated, I ended up asking myself one question:

When did I lose control?

*     *     *

I was still a little flustered as I tucked the kids into bed.  You'd better believe those teeth got brushed, though.  And then some.  

Eli brought me our devotional book and wondered if we had enough time for a bible story.  It was already past bed time, but the emotional guilt was pretty much going to guarantee that we would read our devotional tonight.  Not the best motivation, I know.

I let the pages flip past my thumb until I arrived at the right one.  I began reading aloud that day's verse.  But, I had to stop halfway through.  The verse from Ephesians 2: 10 really got me-

For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Wow.  I am not in the regular habit of thinking of myself as God's masterpiece.  I definitely don't usually think about God planning long ago the good things I would do.  So then it really hits me.  The answer to my question:

I never really had control to begin with.  


And thank God for that.


Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ghirson/12557871/

This Christmas

This is an excellent short film from the good folks over at Lifechurch.tv It is 19 minutes long, but very much worth the watch. Grab a snack and remember why we celebrate this special day.

The Cussing Pastor

I ran across this video over at Ed Young's Blog. Wow. Can you say convicted? I think my #@#$ and %$%& come out more in anger than in an attempt to be hip and relevant, though. This is definitely something to think about and pray about.



Posted via email from /A Divided Muse/

#C309

I was so blessed to be able to attend the annual Creative Church Conference (C3) at Fellowship Church again this year. Thanks mom!

It was jam packed with so much great teaching, I almost don't know what to do with it all. It's like getting a crate of ammunition but not having a gun. It's going to take a while to digest it all. Anyway, I thought I would share some of the memorable things from all the incredible speakers.

Ed Young
-The majority is usually wrong.
-The one thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.
-Decisions made at the start of something will have effects until the end of it.
-There is always a story behind the story.
-Leadership is measured more by your absence than your presence.
-Creativity mostly comes from humor and conflict.

Bill Cornelius
-All you need is a remnant, not a majority.
-Man made systems can eat the people that made them.
-We have to show up before the Father before people will show up before us.
-Someone out there has been dealt a worse hand than you and they are winning with it.

Tommy Barnett
-Find a need and fill it, find a hurt and heal it.
-Allow people to feel like they belong and them teach them to believe.

Ben Young
-Science studies what is repeatable, history studies what is unrepeatable.
-Truth is knowable and truth is livable.
-Truth is a person (Jesus) before it is an idea.

Steven Furtick
-There is a difference between honor and respect. Respect is earned and has more to do with the behavior of the recipient. Honor is freely given from your heart and has more to do with the giver.

Christine Caine
-Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but not everyone is entitled to give it.
-Excellence, creativity, and innovation are not the goals, they are just by-products of being a Christian.

Craig Groeschel
-God can still do "it" right even when we do it wrong.
-Do only a few things well and eliminate things that you are not called to do.
-To reach people that no one else reaches you have to do things no one else does.
-What do you need to STOP doing?
-Opportunities hide behind obstacles.
-Your greatest deficiency could be the door to your greatest opportunity.
-What is God trying to show you through your greatest limitation?
-Failure is necessary and the first step to success.

Joyless appreciation?

I know my mood lately has been less than upbeat. I have had so much on my mind lately. Life has been going by at such a breakneck pace and it's hard for me to take it all in sometimes. I feel like a '78 Pinto getting lapped in a NASCAR world.

One thing I keep going over is the relationship between joy and thankfulness. Although I feel I have been losing some of my joy, I still feel very thankful. I so appreciate all that I have been given- salvation, my wife, my children and family, my health, my home and life, and even my job...sort of.

I am thankful for it all. I know I am. For whatever reason, it just has not given me much joy lately. It's a wierd feeling. At first thought, these two ideas should have a positive correlation. As one goes up, so does the other. You would think. I guess I'm just not sure.

Thankfulness is not listed as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, although joy makes the number 2 spot. After some examination, I can see a relationship between joy and hope according to Romans 12:12 and Romans 15:13. I haven't come across a similar relationship between joy and thankfulness yet. Should thankfulness inspire joy? Here are some things I have found out about joy for sure:

-Jesus had it
-Paul had it
-fruit of the Spirit
-you can lose it
-something we should always be full of
-can be filled with it by God
-things can give it to you
-it can be complete
-you can do do things with joy

I know I need to get some joy back. I guess I'm just in my annual winter slump. Joy and thankfulness...what are your thoughts?

From my journal...

To even catch a glimpse of how amazing God's love must be for us can be life changing. I think we get a glimpse at salvation. We get a taste right then of our own filthiness and of the Lord's sweetness. But then we have to keep our eyes open for the next taste- not because it's so big, shaking, and rare, but because it is so prevalent, subtle, and easy to miss.

Pray with me, like Paul prayed, that we could have the power to grasp how wide, how long, how deep, and how high Jesus' love for us truly is.

Worship Wednesday

It's something I came up with years back when I was in college. I'm not even sure how the idea came about, other than Jesus inspiring me to do it. I call it Worship Wednesday and I do it like this.

First, you have to understand fasting. Fasting is a time when you voluntarily set something aside to focus more on God, and his provision and providence in your life. Usually this is with food, but it can really be done with anything. Worship Wednesday is a type of fast.

Second, you have to be pretty into music or at least listen to a lot of it. Music is the thing that gets fasted so music needs to something you will actually miss if it is gone.

Okay, here it is and it's real simple. I stop listening to all of my usual music for the day. No metal, no hardcore, no punk, no Power FM. Nuthin. When I'm in my truck on Wednesday, the radio is off. I use that time to pray and clear my head. During the day I only allow myself to listen to 2 types of things. I will listen to music that is very praise and worship oriented, or I will listen to podcasts of my favorite preachers like Ed Young, Mark Driscoll, or Perry Noble.

I feel refreshed and recharged by the end of the day. And when Thursday roll around, I feel very appreciative and enjoy my "regular" music that much more.

You could really do Worship Wednesday with anything that vies for your time. Try it out, and let me know how it goes.

Messed Up by Grace

I started listening to some sermons from Perry Noble at NewSpring Chruch in Anderson, South Carolina. I saw him at C3 this year and loved his controversial no-nonsense presentation style. His latest series is answering the top questions that were voted on by people online. The one I just listened to is called "Can I Loose My Salvation?"

Anytime I hear and really think about stuff like this, it really messes me up. It is just hard to accept because the performance plan makes us feel better- "At least I'm better than that guy..." We want to feel like we are actually doing something to contribute to our salvation, or at least the keeping of it. I think it gives us a sense of control and pride. The bible says that "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him." (John 3:36) But once we cross over that line of faith, it is humbling to know that nothing we do can make God love us any more or any less. We do absolutely nothing and Jesus does absolutely everything.

Check out the message (it starts about 30 min. into it) and let me know what you think.

Styrofoam sin

Ahh, the bi-monthly Saturday ritual- mowing the lawn.

As I was out cutting the grass, a tiny piece of styrofoam caught my eye. Now my lawn is definitely more "Malcolm in the Middle" than "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" but I bent over to pick it up anyway. I noticed another piece a few feet away. Then another, and then another. I realized that I must have shredded a cup underneath the mower without realizing it.

I spent the next minutes grumbling as I picked up the pieces. If I would have just been more careful, I could have simply picked up the little cup before it got chopped up. Instead I found myself bending over to get a squillion little pieces of styrofoam.

But isn't sin just like that? One lie, one lustful thought, one cheat- one little sin can turn into many shredded pieces in our lives just like that. The bible says in James 1:15 that "after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." The more you allow sin to spread and grow, the worse off it is going to be. The more it is left unchecked, the more pieces get strewn about. It is so much easier to stop it before it starts. Don't let the enemy even have a foothold.

Lord, give us all the strength to pick up the little cup before it is shredded all over the landscape of our lives.

When you realize that you suck

Every once in a while it will hit me- I suck. I mean little things happen every day that make us all think that, but I mean deeper. I mean a gut level internal knowledge that every natural thing about you is messed up on some level.

Apart from Jesus there really is no good in me at all. I think sometimes there is some good in me. But no. There truly is none apart from Him. Every little bit of goodness in me is a gift from the heart of the Master.

Thank you Lord for not giving me what I deserve. Give me the strength to extend this to the others in my life.