1992 was the last Christmas that still had a touch of that special magic for me. I was twelve, and although I didn't "believe," it was still a time of wonder.
We had the big Christmas at my dad's house that year. I remember the night of Christmas Eve. My brother and sister and I slept upstairs. It was just one open room. I had to duck because the ceiling was the slants of the roof. My dad wasn't big on festive decor. But, I remember he had colored lights on white string connected along the slopes of the ceiling like velvet ropes on a red carpet premier night.
This was the last Christmas Eve that I can remember actually having a hard time falling asleep. I stared up at those lights for hours, my mind swirling with hope and anticipation. The one thing consuming my twelve year old brain was a Nintendo Gameboy. It was my heart's desire and all I wanted for Christmas.
The next morning, I got up and endured my dad's usual stalling techniques. He was never ready to open gifts. He had to make coffee, go to the bathroom five times, get something out of the bedroom and so on. Finally, it was time to rip my gifts open. I got to the one that I was sure of being a Gameboy. As I tore in to the colorful wrapping, I noticed a cocky -looking, blue cartoon hedgehog looking up at me. I had received a Sega Game Gear.
It was impossible to hide the disappointment on my face. A part of me was crushed. I looked up at my mom and I remember seeing the smile on her face melt away as she took in my reaction. A conversation we had later would reveal how much she had wanted to get me something nice; something better than a Gameboy. The Game Gear was in color, cost more, and my mom was convinced that it was better in every way. It just wasn't what I had wanted. In my childishness, I had insulted the giver. In my immaturity, I had insulted my mom.
* * *
Game Gear Christmas stands out in my mind for many reasons. But the most important were the lessons I began to learn about giving. I learned that you can be thankful for something without liking it; you can appreciate the giver without loving what has been given. There are no strings attached to true giving. It is free and bourne out of love.
It has taken many years with my wife to fully cement that in my mind. Giving is really about people and not the gift. It's about the relationship between the giver and the receiever. Our model for this is the greatest gift that has ever been given- the gift of forgiveness through Jesus. I don't have that Game Gear anymore. I have something much better. That's ultimately what I want to remember this holiday season.
