On Turning Thirty

I won't quote the journey/ destination life quote until later...

My thirtieth birthday was over a month ago, and I'm still settling into it.  It is one of the "decade birthdays" so it's supposed to be a big deal.  The actual day was not a huge blow -out with all of my friends and family rocking all night.  I'm glad, because that's not my style.  It was a pretty normal day.  I got up, got the kids ready, went to school, and came home.  But, the aftermath of the actual day has been a little wobbly.

I feel like I am, officially, expected to be a grown -up. Mind you, this is coming from a guy who has been married for ten and a half years and has four children.  You would think I would be comfortable with a title like grown -up.  But, I'm not.  

Grown -ups are supposed to have their act together.  They are supposed to know what they want out of life.  Grown -ups are supposed to know how to change the oil in their cars, and teach their sons how to throw a ball.  Grown -ups wear khakis and loafers.  They say things like "What do you think about this weather?" and "Did you see that story on the news last night?"  They are supposed to be able to make decisions, balance budgets, and follow through on plans.  They are supposed to be, well, grown -up.

The problem is, I'm none of that.  I couldn't even pick out what kind of birthday cake I wanted.  Most of the time I feel like the same scared little boy I was twenty years ago, stepping up to the plate in little league baseball- unsure of myself and even the very rules of the game.

I'm not scared of actually becoming older.  Thirty doesn't feel much different than twenty -five.  I'm scared of becoming irrelevant.  I'm scared of being out of the loop, of being obsolete.   Grey hair doesn't scare me as much as not realizing that the only reason my son picked out a certain loaf of bread at the store, was because it had a picture of Wizards of Wavorly Place on it.

All this makes me wonder if I will ever, truly, be a grown -up.  And, maybe, that's okay.  Because if life is a journey and not a destination, then I'm going to be growing up for quite a while.


Special thanks to my amazing wife for growing up with me, and for making that special birthday cake.

Words, Turds, and Things That Were Said

"As far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family." -Homer Simpson

Communication is so important to family life. It is one of the fundamental pieces of a healthy and loving home. With that being said, here are a few choice snippets that have been overhead at my house recently. If you know my family personally, then have fun trying to figure out who said what to whom.

"Dad, it's like it's farting."

"Dangit, Eli. That's gross! We wear underwear in this family."

"When me and Zeke grow up, we want to be in a band."

"Oops. I spilled, but that's okay."

"My booty is stuck."

"These are skinney jeans. See how they start up big at the top and then get smaller down here?"

"I just don't think it's very responsible to throw everything away."

"No, do not touch your butt."

"It's funny that the beer commercial made him laugh."

"What, you ate all of them?"

"Can you clip this cape on me?"

"I'm putting these in front of me, like they do in the movies."

"I love you!"

"Hey hey, listen to your heart now. Hey hey, don't you feel the rush."

"There's poop coming out."

"I love butt cracks."

I'm trying to fart!

"Snow White is white. And she's yellow too."

"I want to give him a kiss."

"I love you."

"Bahye, bahye. Did you hear hime say bye bye?"

"Pull your underwear down. What are you doing? That's disgusting!"

"I've been ripping plastic for years."

"Did you hear that music? I was just doing some break dancing."

"Can you tuck us in?"

"I love you guys."

Zeke On Food

One of the most rewarding things about raising children is the conversations you get to have with them. Some may be sad, some funny, and others priceless. Here is a conversation between my son, Zeke, and I on the way home today:

Zeke: What are we having for supper?

Me: Mommy is making broccoli and rice.

Zeke: (with the aid of younger brother, Eli) Uhhhhggggg! Whyyyyyyy? Ooohh? (Ad nauseam)

Me: Well, it's what we are having. You can eat it, or not.

Zeke: I just don't understand why you and mommy are trying to CHANGE my life. (With upturned palms, he shook his hands dramatically.) I will not eat this way when I'm a grown up.

Me: (wryly smiling to myself and expecting this to be beyond good) Oh. Well then, what will you eat when you are a grown up?

Zeke: First of all, I am only going to have a home cooked meal twice a week. Maybe once. Probably once. We will just get food from places. Japanese food is always a good choice. I will pick up some fast food for my family if we don't have any other plans.

On Sunday nights I will order pizza. ORDER it, dad. I am not eating the home cooked kind from the oven. (His concept of home cooked pizza is DiGiorno's, by the way.) The kind YOU (emphasis his) make only has eight slices, and we have six people in our family. The kind you order has more pieces than that. I will get some bread sticks with garlic and maybe a two liter. Probably a two liter.

Then we can just go out to eat sometimes. It's just that I don't like the word "healthy." (The dramatic hand shaking returns.) And I don't know why you and mommy are feeding us this. My plan for right now, when I'm a kid, is to start bringing a bigger lunch so I can get full before supper. I'll call it "Bigger Lunch."

Me: (I think to myself, "What can you say to a tirade like that?")

Eli: Can we stop at Taco Bueno now?

Photo Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiew/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

"Would you like a side of guilt with that?"

Photo Credit

No, this isn't going to be about a new year's resolution to lose weight. Although I did manage to put on about five pounds since Thanksgiving, so that's probably not a bad idea. This is about a different kind of guilt- parental guilt.

Each time my family steps foot into the Golden Arches, I can't help but feel a twinge of remorse. We have gotten into the nasty habit of allowing McDonald's to be our meal. I say allow, because it is not always the plan to go there. Eating out was kind of a thing when I was growing up. It was a semi- special event that we often planned on. We would all load up, go somewhere, and sit down to a decent meal.

Now, eating out is a by-product of a a busy life. Fast food happens when we are running late picking up the kids from day care, or have somewhere to go in the evening. The kids sometimes get three Happy Meals a week during our busiest times. Those things can't be that good for you.

In addition to all the unhealthiness, I guess that a Happy Meal, for me, is a symbol for a hectic life. It represents the fact that it is hard to slow down and make time for certain things- important things like a family meal. It is hard to be a stop and smell the roses kind of guy in a go and weed the flower bed kind of world.

This Christmas

This is an excellent short film from the good folks over at Lifechurch.tv It is 19 minutes long, but very much worth the watch. Grab a snack and remember why we celebrate this special day.