I'm pretty good with her up until about three. Then, somehow, these last two years happened. They happened with a velocity that will leave blur marks on the timeline of my life. It makes me uncomfortable when I make myself think about it.
She is the third of my four children. Even that sounds scary sometimes. She's my only girl, so there will always be an innate specialness that comes with that.
She (back before I knew she was a she) was the first and only child whose gender I had prayed about. The day my wife told me she was pregnant again I began praying for a girl. I'm not entirely sure why. I knew I had always wanted sons and daughters. I guess part of me knew that this one was going to be a little girl.
I wrote about it in my journal back when I used to keep one. It's been one of the few things in life that I just kind of knew. God answered my prayers one morning as I was writing. That confirmation was so assuring. I didn't tell anyone though. I was too scared to really write it. It was just between me and God.
When we went for the check-up to find out the gender, I already knew what the report would be. The thing is, I can't tell you how reassuring it was to hear it out loud from another person.
I remember the tingly feeling in my palms as I watched the ultrasound tech preparing the machine. My anticipation grew as she put the blue ultrasound gel on Nell's body. I could hardly stand it, when she finally asked us if we wanted to find out what we were having. I'm not sure if I was more joyful about "officially" knowing I was having a daughter, or seeing one more example of God's faithfulness in my life.
Happy birthday, Selah! I waited so patiently and faithfully for you. I'm thankful you're such a sweet little girl. My sweet little girl.
1 comments:
I "know" how you feel. While I had to wait for my daughters to get married for me to have sons I had the joy of having two beautiful, wonderful and gifted daughters giving to us from GOD !!!!
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